JJHO

Most of you probably know that my father and I were recently on an episode of Judge John Hodgman (JJHO).  My primary motivations for submitting a case were:

1. I would love to have my Dad visit me in Norway while I'm here and, 
2. I thought Hodgman, who loves weird Dads, would enjoy talking to my father, who is a most excellent specimen of weird Dad.  (I say he is a weird Dad with admiration.  I love his quirks, and weirdness was alway a point of pride in our family.) 

I had no hope that I could actually win this case.  The court of JJHO's precedent is you cannot force someone to like what they do not like - my Dad doesn't like the process of traveling, or do what they don't want to do - my Dad doesn't want to travel to Norway.  I was extremely nervous before and during this podcast.  I spent a long time preparing a fake itinerary of activities I thought my father might like, as well as soliciting my mother for pictures of him enjoying Europe in the past and an affidavit, only to use none of them.

I had a couple fears A) that I would embarrass myself and never want to listen to my favorite podcast again because it would be tainted (I didn't say the fears were logical), or B) that I would get shouted down (as is known to happen on the podcast).  These, along with their excellent producer Julia, asking us to not talk over each other due to Skype limitations, led me to default to my most rule-abiding ways.

I wish I hadn't been.  First, getting shouted down adds drama, and I think the Judge and Bailiff enjoy it.  I felt a little boring on the podcast and there were many points I would have wanted to raise or contest.  For example, I had planned on mentioning that a nearby Stave Church may have been burnt down by a Norwegian black metal musician referenced on an earlier JJHO, but I chickened out (mainly because I didn't think it was applicable to my father's interests, and the point was to get my father to come here).  My father characterized himself as decrepit, which is patently false.  I know he's walking 3 miles on the reg.  He also said he was anemic (he's normal, borderline low).  Also, he gave his actual age, instead of saying he's 29!  This was a shock to me, as he always says he's 29.

My father acknowledges that he has come up with some wittier responses after the fact, while I have been gaining new knowledge about Norway which I wish I could have used.  One shining example of this was brought to my attention last night.  I went to the Natural History Museum as part of Bergen's Culture Night (museums, boats, walking tours, etc, are all free for the night), and as I was wandering up the stairs, a woman poached me into an English presentation on Norwegian weddings of 200-400 years ago.

The presenter, a beautiful and engaging (and blond) Bergen native, described the inheritance of ornate wedding crowns (below) within families.  The legend goes that these extravagant items came in to lucky families if a male ancestor had married a huldra, a rich and beautiful forest woman with the tail of a cow.  Yup, she's got a cow's tail (but it falls off if they get baptized, which I found slightly disappointing).  I was told the hulder will the most beautiful women if you treat them well, and they will bare many children and work hard.  If you treat them poorly, they will be ugly.  I was also told, almost as an aside, that they may also be known to grab men and dance them to death.  You know, like you do.

      
The presenter also mentioned that if a man was very shy, he might woo a woman by carving and making a present of a wooden ironing tool.  What she said though, was if the man was very shy in lieu of wooing he can "show her his wood", and then she gestured at these carved slats (picture follows, sorry for the quality) which would be used along with what's basically a rolling pin to press the clothes.  This got a laugh only from me, perhaps I was the only native English speaker in the audience, or at least the only immature one.

I asked one of the other docents, who pulled me aside to show me her tattoo of a huldra, if she knew about the invisible witch on Fløyen.  She said she didn't because she's not local to Bergen, but told me of the legend of some trolls that live underwater in the forest ponds of the area she grew up.  I had no idea they could live underwater!

I asked our presenter as well about the invisible witch, she appeared confused and thought maybe it was more of a joke than based on local legends, saying in an off-handed way that, "Lyderhorn (mountain) is really more of the witch gathering place".  Oh, well, of course it is.  I'll be sure to report back as soon as I've visited and let you know if I meet any!

During my trip to the museum I got some IMs from my dear friend Anja.  She and her husband Thorsten, two fabulous Germans, introduced me to Schweigefox, which my Dad brought up on the episode.  In her messages she indicated she approved of the episode (see picture below), as well as sharing Schweigefox with the world.  She also told me that Thorsten asked that I add a Schweigefox entry to the English Wikipedia.  Still working on that (I don't know if Wikipedia will allow that entry) but I did put it into Urban Dictionary, which I feel is a fair start.

Sorry for the length of this entry, I want to end by expressing a huge amount of gratitude to my Dad for being willing to be on the podcast with me.  He was a great sport, he showed off a bit of his clever weirdness, and he brought up Schweigefox!  Nice work, Dad.  If you want a laugh and are curious about some of the names that were suggested for the podcast episode, check this link, there are some great suggestions, such as Sojourner v. Nojourner.  The episode was named Failure to Appear and it is linked up top, but here it is again.

The Invisible Witch, Åsane Seahawks, & Totem, Oh My.

I was going to write a blog about all about the invisible witch of Mount Fløyen, but she is a mystery I have yet to crack.  So you'll only get a taste today:

Up on the trails on top of Mount Fløyen, you may see many signs in both English and Norsk, that warn the walkers about the invisible witch.  Naturally, I found these delightful and I wanted to learn more.  Sadly an internet search turns up nothing but people posing with a wooden statue that may be the likeness of the witch herself, and pictures much like those that I took (below), of the signs themselves.  No story to be found.  I want so much for there to be a charming tale that accompanies these whimsical warnings.  My friend Diana has vowed to ask some Norwegians and says she'll report back, so stayed tuned, but in the meantime:

Perhaps even better than the mysterious invisible one...

I was just in the "Trening" center (gym) and I saw an older gentleman with a Seattle Seahawks t-shirt on.  Turns out he met a '12th man' sporting a Hawks sweatshirt on ferry heading to Vancouver, BC and inquired about it.  The 12th man gifted my new friend the shirt that brought us together.  In exchange, my new friend sent him the orange jersey of the Åsane Seahawks.  The Åsane Seahawks are an American football team from a borough of Bergen called Åsane.  Of course.  Why wouldn't Bergen have an Amerikansk Fotball Norge?

Bergen and Seattle, they're like two damp peas in a pod.

Now that I'm doing my research online, I see that the Åsane Seahawks borrowed their name and logo from Seattle.  And according to Wikipedia, "the Seahawks cheerleaders are one of the most-winning cheerleading squads in Norway the last years."  Delightfully stated.  Congratulations, Åsane Seahawks Cheerleaders!

Also, while Wilson visited we stumbled across this totem pole, gifted to Bergen from their sister city, Seattle.  The connections abound!